“”
“You’re a mouse studying to be a rat.”
Wilson Mizner
“”
“Reading this tiny book (more a pamphlet really) in one short sitting made me feel as though I was trapped in a lift with a crack-smoking Stalin.”
“”
“He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.”
Abraham Lincoln
“”
“When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.”
Bernard Bailey
“”
“These words actually subtract value from the paper they’re printed on.”
“”
“[Lawrence] Lessig looks like the cashier whose line you want to avoid at Starbucks.”
“”
“What pathetic mindless idiots you all are. Don’t you get it. The Internet won’t make you rich, or famous, or happy. CSS isn’t a cause. You can’t beat Microsoft. It doesn’t matter. If you want someone to blame, blame your mommy for giving birth to you.”
“”
“It’s all a complete farce, you understand, we’re born into a losing struggle. In the meantime, I think, I must show some contempt and defiance and the best means of doing that that I know are irony and obscenity ... Which is why it was a mistake for that man to ask me about those slut Dixie Chicks.”
“”
“...may your genitalia prolapse in a pile of rosy pink goo.”
“”
“Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding.”
Samuel Johnson
“”
“I want you to disregard all the opposing counsel has said. I think they’re delusionary. I think they’ve had something funny for lunch in their meal, I think they should be handcuffed, chained to a fence and flogged, and all of their hearsay evidence should be thrown the hell out. And if they lie again, I’m going to go over there and kick them in the crotch.”
“”
“[Michael] Jackson is not so much a person of colour as an experiment in sequential hues.”
“”
“That scuzzy Gary Condit got voted out. He looks awful now and I think the only young chicks who would go for him now would be funeral parlor interns.”
“”
“If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of Camels and a short length of rubber hose.”
Kevin Jamieson
“”
“Sir, he was dull in company, dull in his closet, dull everywhere. He was dull in a new way, and that made many people think him great.”
Samuel Johnson
“”
“[Jakob] Neilsen has single-handedly unleashed his bland vision of the web and allowed untold acolytes to implement this misguided approach into personal pages that have all the prosaic joy of a McDonald’s Happy Meal.”
“”
“What you are shouts so loud in my ears I cannot hear what you say.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“”
“When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won’t be so bad at all.”
Mark Twain
“”
“The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.”
W. Somerset Maugham
