QuoteLog

“Their army is how much bigger than mine? Three percent? Well shucks, Bubba. Now is the time to establish a network and an attitude.”

“We’re a nation of pigs & we get what we deserve — Hee-Haw, Salems, & Wide Track Pontiacs.”

“Rush Limbaugh is a lame professional Swine and he makes a good living at it. He is like a hired Geek in some traveling backwoods carnival -- the freaks who bite the heads off Chickens -- but Limbaugh is a modernized Geek who thinks he can bite the heads off of people.”

“I have spent half my life trying to get away from journalism, but I am still mired in it - a low trade and a habit worse than heroin, a strange seedy world full of misfits and drunkards and failures.”

“That’s why I live out here in the mountains with a flag on my porch and loud Wagner music blaring out of my speakers. I feel lucky, and I have plenty of ammunition. That is God’s will, they say, and that is also why I shoot into the darkness at anything that moves. Sooner or later, I will hit something Evil, and feel no Guilt. It might be Osama Bin Laden. Who knows?”

“The lid is on. Loose Lips Sink Ships. Don’t say anything that might give aid to The Enemy.”

“I don’t like to write. I don’t care what the fuck happens after I write. Once I’ve gotten the story in my mind, the rest is just pain. And to cure the pain, we put it together between covers and call it The Great Shark Hunt and sell 100,000 copies at fifteen dollars apiece. It helps ease the pain.”

“If there is, in fact, a Heaven and a Hell, all we know for sure is that Hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix.”

“The TV business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.”

“I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours.”

“Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.”

“As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I’m doing or why you’re paying me so much money. What’s important is that you continue to do so.”