“”
“Incidentally, the crowd’s behavior almost spoiled this reviewer’s mood. He found himself wondering how fans could spend $252 on a ticket, then gab through the show. And he wondered why the fans’ innermost thoughts couldn’t wait to be revealed at a time when they weren’t in the same room with a Beatle.”
“”
“That’s it. I’m done. You might as well kill me now, because it’s the Apocalypse. All life on this planet is no doubt mere days away from coming to an end, because really — mankind couldn’t possibly get any stupider. Not possible.”
“”
“I have been going to Ecuador and Mexico (on medical missions) for 14 years. I was at ground zero. I’ve seen hundreds of people die. This was different because we knew the hurricane was coming. FEMA showed up late and then rejected help for the sake of organization. They put form before function, and people died.”
“”
“If you don’t get someone over to my goddamned house and pick me up and bring me to the Dome, I’ve got a big mirror and a lipstick in my hand, and I’m gonna write, ‘When you open this door and find me dead, it’s the fault of the New Orleans Police Department.’”
“”
“No administration could credibly investigate such an immense failure on its own watch. And we have learned through bitter experience — the Abu Ghraib nightmare is just one example — that when this administration begins an internal investigation, it means a whitewash in which no one important is held accountable and no real change occurs.”
“”
“My prior antipathy toward the Department of Homeland Security has now hardened into something approaching activism.”
“”
“Take whatever idiot they have at the top of whatever agency and give me a better idiot. Give me a caring idiot. Give me a sensitive idiot. Just don’t give me the same idiot.”
“”
“Almost every Republican I have spoken with is disappointed. He is a strong president ... but he has never really focused on the importance of good execution. I think that is true in many parts of his presidency.”
“”
“The day before, she’d waited all day at the Astrodome for [FEMA] to call the last two digits of her number for a discussion about emergency housing ... Peters finally got through at 12:25 a.m. Saturday, but they told her they couldn’t process the family’s claim until they had an opportunity to see to their New Orleans home and survey the damage. ‘It will be months.’”
John Canzano, The Oregonian
“”
“My biggest disappointment is with the federal government and the National Guard. The guard arrived 48 hours after the hurricane with 40 trucks. They drove their trucks in and went to sleep. For 72 hours this police department and the fire department and handful of citizens were alone rescuing people. We have people who died while the National Guard sat and played cards.”
“”
“They knew that this one was different. I don’t think Mike Brown or anyone else in FEMA could have any reason to have any problem with our calls ... They were told ... We said the levees could be topped.”
Max Mayfield, National Hurricane Center
“”
“Instead of relying on a ‘Good Samaritan’ policy — the fantasy in New Orleans that everyone would take care of the neighbors — the Virginia rescue workers go door to door. If people resist the plea to leave ... rescue workers give them Magic Markers and ask them to write their Social Security numbers on their body parts so they can be identified.”
“”
“During this crisis you failed us. You looked down on us; you dismissed our victims; you dismissed us. You want our Jazz Fest, you want our Mardi Gras, you want our cooking and our music. Then when you saw us in real trouble, when you saw a tiny minority preying on the weak among us, you called us ‘Sin City,’ and turned your backs.”
“”
“They died right here, in America, waiting for food.”
Leroy Fouchea, speaking of two dead infants in New Orleans
“”
“Much harder to measure is the cost of all those searing images burned into the national conscience, and what they’ve done to the sense of security that was our last refuge when disasters wreaked havoc, and then, unnecessary suffering, in distant lands — the certainty that it couldn’t happen here. Now we know better.”
“”
“I still like you, TiVo. I hope your little deal with Comcast works out so I can use the brilliant TiVo service again. I hope you get off your lazy asses and build a HD TiVo. But until that happens, it’s going to be just a little bit easier to live without TiVo after dealing with your assholes in customer support.”
“”
“The decay and disintegration of this culture is astonishingly amusing if you are emotionally detached from it.”
“”
“While Mr. Cruise says that Mr. Lauer and I do not ‘understand the history of psychiatry,’ I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Mr. Cruise has never suffered from postpartum depression.”
“”
“On both sides, discourse now moves swiftly from disagreement into demonizing, from contrast to caricature. The worst motives are always assumed. Both camps have polemicists who win popularity, ratings, and book sales by devising ever more clever ways of ripping the eyelids off their opponents. We all know the visceral satisfactions of hanging out with our home-team blogs and watching the TV or radio stations that fit our worldview. Our politicians and pundits happily supply us with the voodoo dolls and the pins. But we’d be smarter not to use them.”
“”
“We cannot have a generation of young black kids growing up not being able to read or write. More importantly not wanting to know how to read and write. Because, somehow, in the twisted mentality we have today — which is really pumped out by gangsta rap — these kids equate getting an education with trying to be white ... Which is genocide.”
“”
“I knew that I had every right to critique this overtly consumerist and impossible beauty myth. What I didn’t know was how much money it would take to prove it. Federal court is a boxing ring for the rich.”
Thomas Forsythe, Barbie photographer
“”
“If you are going to call yourself a Christian — and I don’t — then you have to ask yourself a fundamental question, and that is: Whom would Jesus torture? Whom would Jesus drag around on a dog’s leash? How can Christians tolerate it?”
“”
“What the hell is wrong with a culture that stuffs my e-mail with 200 Viagra offers every day, and sends Alex Kingston back to London?”
“”
“Public embarrassment is really very liberating. You really stop caring about what people think, which is something only the elderly seem to able to accomplish with great aplomb. So I am way ahead of everybody. And those of you behind me can kiss my ass.”
“”
“When there is no penalty for failure, failures proliferate.”
“”
“Everyone seems to have an agenda, and everyone is such a complete unyielding pain in the ass about it that we have a shrieking cacophony of heartfelt sentiment. We have the fascism of absolute freedom. Somehow, everyone thinks that his core beliefs should translate to the law of the land. My feeling is that my core beliefs shouldn’t go any further than the tips of my fingers, and maybe my children.”
“”
“Management speak has been infiltrated into our lives, a loathsome serpent crawling into our bed at night and choking the life out of our language. It is an outrage that the phrase ‘human resources’ was not strangled at birth.”
“”
“If I could just get a nuclear device inside Foggy Bottom, I think that’s the answer.”
Pat Robertson, on the State Department
“”
“You look at Rumsfeld, and beyond all the rationale, spoken and unspoken, he just dislikes the Army. It’s just palpable ... You always have to wonder if when Rumsfeld was a Navy lieutenant junior grade whether an Army officer stole his girlfriend.”
“”
“As Saudi Arabia comes under global scrutiny, and the majority of the world’s Muslims continue to reject the Wahhabis’ presumption to guide them, the regime is turning further inward. Its subjects now lead an atomized existence; people no longer socialize, but remain locked up in their compounds, speaking only to their families. The Soviet dictatorship followed this path to disaster.”
“”
“Since Bush took office, the national debt ... has skyrocketed to $6.4 trillion, which is the limit set by Congress some years ago. Congress approved adding almost another trillion to that last week to keep the government from defaulting on Social Security and other payments next month. Over the next 10 years, you will be paying $4.6 trillion just to pay interest on that debt without reducing it at all. That $4.6 trillion would completely pay for this year’s budget more than twice.”
“”
“We’ve created this cottage industry in which it pays to be un-objective. It pays to be subjective as much as possible. It’s a great way to have your cake and eat it too. Criticize other people for not being objective. Be as subjective as you want. It’s a great little racket.”
“”
“Never have so many been so wrong about so much.”
Donald Rumsfeld
“”
“Despite the best efforts of Western doom-mongers to rouse the Arab street, its attitude will remain: start the jihad without me.”
“”
“It reminds me why ‘comedy’ used to be synonymous with ‘anti-conservative.’ We were funny, and they weren’t. That’s certainly changed a bit. Now there’s nothing more tiresome and annoying than a leftist, while the dreaded neo-cons and centrists get the laughs because the left is so target-rich: old hippies, idiot actors, ANSWER, Michael Moore, ‘nude for peace,’ Martin Sheen, etc. Never have so many fish crowded the barrel.”
“”
“There is nothing like a cantankerous old man who takes a hey-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn approach to foreign policy. The guy’s literally just like a drunk swinging a broken bottle at people. ‘Hey, Netherlands, you looking at me?’”
Jon Stewart, on Donald Rumsfeld
“”
“He’s going to wake up every day for the rest of his life, and he’s going to tell us how he hates everything about this country except his right to hate it. And then we say that we love it and he’s going to tell us what naive sheep we are and that he’s the true patriot because he hates it and he sees all the problems in it. Yeah, right, Mike. You know something, if my yawn got any bigger they’d have to assign it a hurricane name, okay? Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron’s right to be that utterly, completely wrong.”
Dennis Miller
“”
“Fox News, meanwhile, has become like Voice of America with prettier anchors.”
“”
“When I get tired of the puffery of FOX News, I counter it with a bit of the defeatism they’re peddling over at NPR.”
“”
“If truth is the first casualty of war, then CNN and BBC were having trouble in providing it whole, their reporters tossing up shards of the seen-and-heard into an informational whirlwind difficult to piece into a single sheet of reality. But French and German television were having an even harder time in underpinning their inclinations to describe things in a way that neatly fit their governments’ insistence that all this would not end well.”
“”
“Tactical surprise was lost long ago. In fact, never in the history of military operations have so many troops had to invade so exposed from such a narrow front. Patton yelled to ‘@#!&! the flanks’ and plunge ahead; but even he would have never been so audacious to send thousands barreling nonstop ahead in a narrow motorized column. It took Sherman three months to slice through the Carolinas; Patton romped his 400 miles in two months; we are impatient that it might take us five days to cover the same distance to Saddam Husseinís bunker.”
“”
“Just a minute there, Herr Professor. Calm down, Dr. Think Tank. I’m just a former career soldier, so I don’t understand military operations the way academics and pundits do. Explain something to me, slowly and clearly: Why on earth would Gen. Tommy Franks do exactly what Saddam wants, and send our forces charging into the streets of Baghdad? We’re not stupid - or Russian - for God’s sake. We’re not going to slug down a couple of bottles of vodka apiece and drive straight into Grozniy while Chechens pick off our tanks and troops at their leisure. We are going to make the rules in Baghdad, not Saddam.”
“”
“Which brings us to post-war aim II: no more State Secrets, when it comes to the Saudis. Three thousand of us were murdered by 15 Saudis, and they were aiming for 30,000 or more. The relationship is sick, no matter what short-term benefits Bush & Co. wrangled out of their Riyadh pals in the buildup toward war. When the cease-fire is signed, I want to hear a Ten-Point program for the de-Saudization of our foreign policy, either from Bush or whatever Democrat recognizes the opportunity ... and more importantly, the responsibility.”
“”
“Whether or not we like it, the war is happening and it’s not going to go away -- clogging the streets, assaulting cops and vandalizing property isnít helping an already lost cause. Alienating people who are trying to get to work is not a well thought out strategy for mustering support and the current crop of protesters look like a bunch of spoiled schoolchildren having a tantrum.”
“”
“Some things are true even if George Bush believes them.”
“”
“Let me see if I’ve got this straight: One, the French say we’re arrogant. Two, the Germans say we’re warmongers. Three, the Russians say we don’t respect the rule of law. And now four, the Arabs think we’re undemocratic. And if that doesn’t convince you of the correctness of our position, nothing will.”
Matt, on Rantburg
“”
“It’s mindblowingly frustrating for me personally, that as I become increasingly convinced that Bush and his Administration are mendacious and lack the real clarity of moral vision and ability to broaden and sell that vision that is required to deal with the current world situation, I become more convinced that the people who oppose his policy are morons. It doesn’t leave me with a lot of places to stand on this.”
“”
“Drug warriors must recognize that some eleven million American adults enjoy getting high at least annually ó to relax and endure these nerve-wracking times. Some brave this endless winter, the drooping Dow, the Columbia disaster, the Rhode Island nightclub inferno, and growing war jitters by sipping martinis. Others play Lotto or visit Vegas. Still more sleep around. In excess, these behaviors can ruin one’s health, fortunes, or both. Yet only smoking grass yields jail time. This is silly, illogical, and wicked.”
“”
“When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.”
Edward R. Murrow
“”
“It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic.”
Winston Churchill
“”
“The very existence of protestors in Washington DC is testament to the division of labor, by which factory workers build combine harvesters for farmers to produce grain, which Mexican immigrants turn into wraps for burritos to fuel the college kids in their struggle against global capitalism on the streets of DC, and, if the fascists send in the army, the kids will stake the rifles with flowers, fresh, and flown in that very day from Africa. Isn’t global capitalism wonderful?”
“”
“I try not to make the apocalypse look so dark and dreary. When we say ‘the end of the world,’ we don’t mean the earth will blow up; we mean the end of the way we live. It’s a lifestyle change.”
“”
“As long as Jews and Arabs live side by side, they will kill each other, and each other’s children.”
“”
“It’s certainly not art, and its educational value is limited. It’s just a mass of hype going around sucking up money.”
“”
“We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed too. Otherwise they will turn out to be outright traitors.”
“”
“Why is John Walker Lindh the embodiment of all America-hating liberalism, while Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber, was merely a deluded individual with no deeper meaning about conservatism?”
“”
“As for those who think the Arab world promises freedom, the briefest study of its routine traditional treatment of blacks (slavery) and women (purdah) will provide relief from all illusion. If Malcolm X had been a black woman his last message to the world would have been entirely different. The brotherhood of Moslem men - all colors - may exist there, but part of the glue that holds them together is the thorough suppression of women.”
Alice Walker
“”
“People who want our country destroyed live here, work for our airlines, and are submitted to the exact same airport shakedown as a lumberman from Idaho. This would be like having the Wehrmacht immigrate to America and work for our airlines during World War II. Except the Wehrmacht was not so bloodthirsty.”
“”
“You know, my theory is that anybody who has it completely together in times like these is either stupid, crazy, or evil.”
Dennis Miller
“”
“Work, work, work for all these years, and what is my reward? Calculated insults. Stinging slaps in the face. While I continue to struggle to earn a living in my declining years, churning out weekly columns for a pittance, teenage pop thingee Britney Spears, threatening to write a first novel, with a little help from her mummy, has pre-sold her scribble for a 500,000 pounds sterling publisher’s advance in the U.K. and a reported cool million U.S. from Random House in New York. To be fair, my only protruding curve is my belly, and for all I know we are on the verge of witnessing the debut of a second Jane Austen.”
Mordecai Richler
“”
“I will point out that Chelsea Clinton, in the eight years her father was president, didn’t get arrested once. The problem with Jenna is that it’s been twice in four months. A third time -- it’s three strikes and you’re out in Texas -- and they’ll have to execute her.”
“”
“There were dozens of lakes, many of them not on the map. For identification purposes we gave them names. The bright sparkling lakes we named after people we admiredÖ to the swampy ones, all messed up with moose tracks, we gave the names of the critics who disparaged us.”
Andrew Y. Jackson
“”
“Philosopher Jean Paul Sartre once said, ‘Hell is other people.’ And he should know, because he lived in France.”
Dennis Miller


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